


I shouldn't show a trace (of doubt.)

by theomadeofgreens



Category: SBI Family Angst
Genre: Dadza, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, big brother wilby, tommy is not okay and niether is author, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29317842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theomadeofgreens/pseuds/theomadeofgreens
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING!!! PLEASE READ TAGS!!!!!!!!!! I CARE ABOUT U SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!Tommy is not okay, and his family trying to stop him from his favorite coping mechanism isn't helping.ORWilbur tries to stop Tommy from relapsing but Tommy is too sneaky 4 him.Title from Escapism by Steven Universe
Relationships: ALL PLATONIC!!!, THEY R FAMILY!!!, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson & Technoblade
Comments: 5
Kudos: 132





	I shouldn't show a trace (of doubt.)

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ TAGS!!! MAJOR TW!!!! I CARE AB U SM!!!
> 
> I wrote this fic as a vent, it's based on personal experiences. This is not supposed to be about the real people, its more of a DSMP AU. I wrote it when I wasn't feelin the best, so grammar might not be perfect.

TW !!! PLEASE READ TAGS!! GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF SELF HARM IN THIS FIC!! pls be careful when reading, i care ab u so much <33

styro: a deeper, wider cut, where you can see a white layer of skin that looks like styrofoam. 

Tommy had been clean for 2 months. 2 months since the doctors saw and snitched on him. 2 months since his family started acting weird around him. He hated it, he wished he could've kept dealing with it himself like he planned. He didn't need help. He didnt even see the problem with cutting, It made him happier so why should it matter?

His arms itched for something. Something sharp. Tommy decided to see if he could find anything to help him. Phil had taken all his pencil sharpeners and screwdrivers, so those blades weren't an option. He went into the bathroom and started digging through the cabinets. He eventually pulled out a facial razor with a pink handle, It was Techno's. 

"Heh,,,stealing a blade, from The Blade. How ironic." He thought. 

He quickly shoved it in his pocket and ran back to his room. Everyone was home, but they were busy with their own stuff, so they wouldn't notice Tommy dissapearing into his room for a bit. He quickly scrambled around his room looking for anything that could help him pull the blade out of its plastic incasing. He settled on a pair of saftey scissors. It's not ideal, but it might work. He sat on his bed desperately cutting and pulling at the plastic, trying to remove the blade. 

He didn't notice a knock on his door, followed by Wilbur entering.  
"Tommy..?"  
Tommy quickly looked up and tried to hide the razor behind his back. Wilbur worringly looked back at him, and held out his hand.  
"Tommy, give it." Tommy just stared at him. Wilbur started walking closer and Tommy panicked. Wilbur snatched the blade from his hands. Tommy quickly stood up and tried reaching for it.  
"Wil..Wilbur! No..nono...please..please it's fine please...just give it back, please." He begged. You could hear the pain in his voice. "Wilbur please. Please just give it back please..." His voice was small, and weak. Wilbur stared at him, his eyes full of worry.

"Tommy, I'm sorry but I can't let you do this to yourself. Besides, you didn't think Techno would notice?" Wilbur started walking towards the door. Tommy quickly grabbed his wrist.  
"Will please, please don't tell da- Phil. Please don't tell Phil." His eyes were welling up with tears. He still tried to jump and snatch the blade from Wilbur. Wilbur looked at him, holding the blade far above his head so the shorter boy couldn't reach it.  
"I won't tell Dad,, but please Toms, don't try to do this again. I'm always here for you if you need to talk, okay?" Tommy stared at him, wiping his face which was wet from his tears. He quietly nodded and sat back down on his bed. Wilbur sighed as he left, going to his room and hiding the blade in his book bag. He couldn't trust Tommy enough to leave it in the bathroom again. He came downstairs and saw Tommy getting a glass of water. He walked over and pulled his brother into a hug. He was so worried about him, ever since the doctors visit things had been different. Tommy refused to talk to anyone, he even admitted to blatantly lying to his therapist about how he was feeling so he could stop going. It was hard, but Wilbur promised himself he would always be there for Tommy. They pulled out of the hug and Wilbur grabbed Tommys shoulders.  
"I hid the razor, so don't go try digging in the bathroom again." He gave a weak smile. Tommy blinked at him and nodded. It was unfair, cutting wasn't even that dangerous. It was his way of coping and everyone took it away from him. For the first few weeks, Phil would check his wrists every night. Only his wrists. Thats when he learned he could find other places. His thighs, his upper arms. He was so close to finally being able to cope again, and Wilbur took it away from him. Tommy started walking towards the stairs, before looking behind him at Wilbur, checking if he was looking. He saw he was staring down at his phone, so he quickly sprinted up to Wilbur's room, locking the door behind him.  
He rummaged through Wilbur's desk drawers and his book bag. He needed that razor. He reached down into Wilburs bright yellow backpack and finally saw it. He quickly grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket. He sprinted back to his room before Wilbur could notice. He hid the razor behind his books on his bookshelf. He decided he wouldn't try anything until later tonight, when everyone was asleep. He layed down on his bed and scrolled through instagram until he dozed off.  
___

The clock hit 3AM. Tommy knew everyone would be asleep by now. He stood up from his bed and reached behind his books, pulling out the razor. It was already pulled out of the incasing from earlier, so all he had now was the sharp blade. He sat down on his bed in shorts and a t-shirt. He examined the blade and took a deep breath. He grabbed his phone and turned on his sad music playlist. He always has to have music playing, because if he focuses too hard on the actual act it becomes less enjoyable. He slowly presses the blade against his upper thigh, and slices. It leaves a very small mark, barely any blood. He frowns. It wasn't enough. He pressed harder this time, and moved the blade faster. It left a decent mark, and it was definetly bleeding. He smiled at the sight of the blood appearing on his leg. He did more deep and fast cuts, when all of a sudden he does one too deep and too fast. A styro appears on upper thigh. He stares at the deep cut, watching blood quickly pour out of it. He started to panic, He had never gone that deep before and blood was pouring all over his bed. He quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom. He got bunches of wet toilet paper and wiped them across all his cuts. The big one didnt stop bleeding. The blood was dripping down his leg, and Tommy started to panic even more. He grabbed a wash cloth and the fabric he cut up from old t-shirts that he always used as bandages. He quickly soaked the wash cloth in warm water and pressed it against the big styro on his leg. He could see the layers of skin he cut through. It was disgusting. He had never cut that deep, It scared him honestly. He took a sharp breath in as he heard a gentle knock at the door. He started panicking. His ears started ringing and tears were involuntarily coming out of his eyes. His breathing sped up.

Another knock.

"Tommy..?" He heard a soft voice call. Wilbur? No,, the voice was too deep. Phil? He couldn't think about it anymore as the door opened and he saw his pink haired brother. Techno. Technos eyes widened at the sight of his brother looking so panicked as blood poured off his legs.  
"Tommy, oh my god." Techno leaned down next to the bathtub where Tommy was sitting, and gently grabbed his hand. "Hey,, It's okay, just follow my breathing. It's okay." He gently combed through Tommy's hair, taking deep breaths and staring at the cuts that littered his little brothers thighs. Once Tommy had calmed down, Techno slowly moved the wash cloth off his leg, and saw the deep cut Tommy had been panicking about.  
"Tommy,, I have to go get Phil-" He stood up, but couldn't walk away before Tommy quickly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. "Nonono,,please don't,,g-,," He stuttered, looking as if he was about to pass out. "Don't get,,Dad,,please no,,please don't tell Dad.." Tommy looked as if he was about to have a second panic attack. Techno grabbed his hand, and gave him a weak smile. "Tommy, It's gonna be okay. Dad can handle this, he can help you. I promise he won't get mad, he loves you, we all do." Tommy slowly nodded, and Techno left to wake up Phil. He quickly shook him awake, and a sleepy Phil looked at him confused. "It's Tommy, come to the bathroom, quick." Phil immediately understood and ran to the bathroom. He kneeled down and grabbed his sons face. "Oh, Toms..It's okay son, I'm here..I'm here." He looked behind him at Techno. "Go get hydrogen peroxide, bandages and another wash cloth." Techno nodded and ran to get the supplies. Phil kept comforting Tommy, lightly running his fingers through his hair, gently holding his hand. It hurt him to see his son in such pain. Tommy was just so scared. Techno knew, his dad knew, soon Wilbur would know and would know he went through his stuff. Tommy kept taking deep, shaky breaths. He was so tired.  
Techno returned with the supplies, and Phil took care of Tommy's cuts. Tommy felt himself drifitng off to sleep against the bathtub. He would deal with it all tomorrow.  
\----------------  
Tommy woke up in his bed, with bandages all across his thighs. They still stung from last night, but he could tell Phil took good care of him. He stood up and put on a hoodie and comfy sweatpants. He slowly walked downstairs and saw his father and his two brothers sitting at the table. They all quickly turned their heads to look at him. Phil gestured for Tommy to come sit down next to them. Tommy took a seat, and stared down at the table, avoiding eye contact.  
"Son, do you think you're ready to talk about what happened last night?" Phil asked, "I understand if it's too much right now." Tommy thought for a second.  
"No, I'm okay to talk now.." He picked at his fingernails. Wilbur grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze, reassuring Tommy. Phil took a deep breath. "Well, Toms, I'm sorry I didn't notice you weren't doing well. And...." his voice faltered for a moment. "..And I'm so proud of you for letting us help you. I know you prefer to go through things like this alone, and it was a big step for you to let us see you like that." Phil gave him a weak smile. Tommy kept his gaze on the table. In classic Tommy fashion, he tried to crack a joke. "Heh,,,I guess facial razors and scissors are on the No-Tommy list..?" Phil sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. I wish I could trust you but, for now it's best we keep things like that out of your reach. Toms, I wish you would've told me something is going on. Maybe we could get in contact with your therapist again and-" Tommy cut him off. "No. I don't want to go back to Miss Lee. I don't like therapists,, they get all in your head n' shit." Tommy stuttered for a moment. "I just...I just want to be with you guys. I just want to be with my family." Phil looked at him, before standing up and crouching next to Tommy's chair, pulling him into a hug. Wilbur let go of his hand and joined them in their hug. Wilbur looked at Techno. "Come onnnn...?" Wilbur teased. Techno sighed and joined their hug. Tommy was far from being okay, but he was safe now. 

He was safe with his family.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it <3 i know i feel shitty after reading vent fics so please go get a glass of water <33
> 
> I plan to write more fics soon, so leave kudos and comments if you wanna see that :)


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